Well, I promised everyone in my last blog that I would blog more often. And then I fell back into my old patterns of going, "nah, that story isn't good enough to bug all my subscribers with... i'll just wait until I have something better to blog about". Then I got complaints, so I started to write my next blog. Then I got distracted again. Then... its now 3 months later since my last blog.
I = SUX!!!
Jay Leno Dream
I had the most awesome dream ever the other night. Not because of the setting, but because I was an absolute insane person in it. For those of you that don't know me personally, I have a twisted sense of humor and it usually revolves around intricately detailed imaginary disaster scenarios that stem from real life situations. For instance, once during Christmas as a child, I watched my sister open up a present from my mom, and during the process my mom said, "I really hope you like it", pretty innocently. I burst out into laughter, and when everyone asked me what I was laughing about, they found that in three seconds flat I had imagined a disaster scenario between the two of them, in which my sister opened the present and noticed it was exactly something she told my mom NOT to buy her for xmas (which coincidentally, my parents did A LOT to us as kids), slammed the present down in a tiff, then a stray particle from the present flew into my mom's coffee, infuriating my mom who then tossed her coffee on my sister's face screaming "you ungreatful bitch!", after which the two began wrestling and pulling each others hair, bringing down the entire christmas tree in the process, and as they rolled around under the tree screaming, with tinsel and fake greenery flying around, i looked down at the broken/tattered christmas tree star that had fallen in my lap, and with a tear in my eye screamed, "NOT ON CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!!!!". So yeah... love my disaster scenarios and can't stop thinking of them. And sometimes they're funny, too. [...]
Oh dear its been 2 months since my last blog entry! I guess I slipped back into the old "I've got to wait until I have something very interesting to say" mindset that caused me to never blog before. I promise to all of you from now on, I will resist that urge. And yes I'm saying my blogs will never say anything interesting.
He's Not a Booker
So, awhile back, I don't even remember how far back anymore, I placed an ad up on craigslist looking for a booking agent, because well, I need one. For non music biz people, a booking agent is basically just someone who goes around trying to find gigs for you, either gigs that pay a flat fee or gigs that you can make money off of based on ticket sales or some other plan. When a booker books you a show, you pay them a percentage of the money you make (usually). Anyhow, I figured it was a good plan because who wouldn't want to make money booking me gigs? [...]
Ok here is every f-ing episode of "Ghost Hunters" in a nutshell:
Ghost Hunter: "OMFG did you hear that noise? That was a ghost for sure! Can you feel that cold running across your arm? HOLY SHIT the EKG noise meter thingy is going wild! This place is SO haunted OMGGgggggggggggggg"
Home Owner: "So, what did you guys find out last night?"
Ghost Hunter: "Oh nothing it was actually just a tree"
AND THAT IS WHY I DON'T WATCH GHOST HUNTERS
Something that's been a problem lately for me is my inability to sell T-Shirts at shows. I started off asking $15 for one shirt, which to me doesn't sound like a lot if you like a musician and want to support, and is actually on the low end of what I've seen around at various shows and stuff. But nobody buys... well ok a few people buy, but its kind of a rare thing. I was thinking about this recently and I realized that the typical show-goer sees a band in a more club/party ish atmosphere like a bar, club, party, etc, and is often intoxicated when purchasing that T-Shirt and other merch items. So it just occurred to me that since most of my shows are at malls or fairs or you know, daytime-family-public-outdoorsy locations.... maybe what has been happening is that people just don't have or want to spend the $12 that I've been charging for them, and they're too sober to say "F it, I want that shirt!". [...]
It has just occurred to me that if I were to die today, my website would continue to tweet on my behalf for the next 6 months. How is this, you ask? I programmed a section into the admin area of this website to allow me to save tweets... tweets that I don't feel are very time-critical, but are somewhat funny enough that I want to eventually tweet them. So basically whenever I think I've thought of something funny, but I've just recently tweeted and don't want to over-tweet (agh, what a nerd), I save my tweet in the auto-tweeter section of my website. Then what happens is if I haven't tweeted for 3 days or more, my site will automatically go into my little saved list of stupid sayings and tweet one on my behalf, then send me an email so I know I've been lazy on tweeting. So far its only happened once, and I have over 60 tweets saved. That's 60 tweets times 3 days between tweets. That's seriously 6 months. So if I die, and my website keeps tweeting, you'll know its just me, back from the grave to haunt the shit out of all your asses, and not some hacker.
Uhm... so... true story.. The other night I had a weird dream about my dad. Some friends of mine from my bar showed up at my house, all wasted and being super loud. I asked them to sit down and be more quiet, and started asking them what kind of food they wanted me to fix them, what sodas they wanted, etc, when all the sudden they all whipped out a huge pot pipe and started smoking it. Then my dad came into the room, and I started getting all embarrassed and stuff, when suddenly he he looks at the pot pipe and suddenly transforms from the very stern, large, humorless man he is, into a very skinny, dirty, tan looking guy with a thick pimp accent and a hobo's hat. Suddenly 100 times more friendlier than he usually is, he then says in his new pimp accent to my friends, "hey maaaaaaaaaaaaan lemme get a hit off that she-it!". Stunned, I stare at my 'dad' in amazement and begin wondering how different my life would be if I had shared a pot pipe with my dad as a little kid, and using that as an excuse to have actual opportunities to interact and bond with him regularly without being yelled at or made to feel guilty in some way (lol). Anyhow, being the "I love pot heads and yet I never smoke pot myself" kind of guy that I am, I turned him down when he offered to smoke me out with my friends, and was left standing in the corner in an awkward Ben Stiller kind of moment, watching a transformed image of my dad smoke pot with all my friends. Analyze that, mister Freud. [...]
People tell me they love how random my blogging is, so I'm going to continue that tradition by telling you about one of the lamest/awesomest things I've ever done. You might know I'm a Trekkie by now (sort of), in that I've watched like EVERY single episode of EVERY star trek series that has ever come out, and I am proud to admit that, except that I don't really go to conventions or have posters or anything. I just like the episodes. ANYHOW, what I often like to do is use series' as an excuse to spend time with my mom and/or sister. I've been doing this for a long time now, and gone through tons of series' like "Sex and the City" (Or sex in the city, I forget), "The Sopranos", "Its Always Sunny in Philadelphia", "I Dream of Genie", "Bewitched"... the list goes on and on basically.
And if you don't know it already, I'm a huge, huge nerd, and I really enjoy doing dumb stupid nerdy things. You know how lately its been fashionable for people to say, "Yea I'm SUCH a dork!".... but the people who say it are always half kidding, and you can tell that they think their dorkyness makes them somehow cool? Like, they're just pretending to be dorks but still holding back to maintain an image? [...]
I don't have a whole lot to write about in today's blog... but guess what. I'm writing anyway.
The Block at Orange just booked me for another month, which is awesome. I can't wait to get back there again. I'll be getting insured for it this week.
I played at the Long Beach Towne Center this last Friday, and it was great as usual. An old high school friend Krystal came down to help me take a few pictures to give to the main booker/promoter that schedules me there. She took like 80 pictures and I still haven't emailed them out. Note to self: email them out. Note to self: eat chocolate [...]
Well, it appears that my live shows are soon running out. My wednesday lunchtime gigs at the LBC Towne Center are officially over. The dude who books for them told me it was time to rotate to a different performer. I suppose I lasted an exceptionally long amount of time... it is supposed to be "Acoustic Wednesdays" over there, but for the last 3 or so months it was pretty much "Mike Peralta Wednesdays", heehee. I did have a ton of fun and made a lot of extra money for music doing it. I only regret not saying goodbye to the security guys and staff over there.... but I didn't know last week was my last show until I asked for a another re-book this weekend. Oh well. They're good guys anyway. Oh yeah, one more regret. I never put out my newsletter sign up form until the very last day. I just figured, "This is just people eating lunch, what do they care about signing up for a musician's newsletter?" so I never put it out... Turns out I was wrong yet again. I put out the signup form on the last day and got like 17 signups, even though the lunch area was relatively dead. [...]
Before I start ranting, a quick note. The most wrong thing I've heard this week: A quote on someone's page where they said they were "... happier than Stevie Wonder when valtrex came out".
I woke up the other day with a major stiff lower back, which is really weird and dumb. I don't ever get back pain. I didn't even go to the gym for about 3 days prior, or do any heavy lifting. And I've also been single for over 5 months now and its not like I'm an active booty-caller, so it couldn't have been that either. I just woke up with a stiff back and don't even know what I did to deserve it. Now I'm sort of leaning forward and to the sides every once in awhile at random places throughout the day, with my shoulders all slumped forward like I'm kind of psychopath about to do a dive roll. Maybe I flexed my back in a dream. I'm a semi-sleepwalker, in that if I hear noise in the room while I'm sleeping, I'll sometimes try to talk back to it by moaning or saying things outloud like, "bob?" or "i have to download my pants"... or sometimes I'll jerk around or kick my feet if I'm running in the dream and trip or something. Once, I had a dream where I had to hit something away from me, and in real life I smacked the back of my hand on my headboard SO HARD that I had a solid lump on it for 6 months. The best part was that the pain wasn't even enough to wake me up, just enough to make me remember it happening the next morning. [...]
I've spent the last week or so working on my blog, which is why I haven't blogged. Uhhhhhh lemme explain that. I am a huge, huge..... huge computer nerd. I even once held several jobs as a programmer. Anywho, long story short, I write all the code for my website, even the blog. Which means, I've spent the last week upgrading the code to be cooler and better and faster and all that stuff. The only thing I seem to be desperately missing (as of this posting) is an actual picture for my icon. I WAS just linking to the one from my profile, but that was kind of a hack. I'm gonna add something where there's a panel interface thingy that lets me/you upload a new picture any time, and it'll automatically go into all existing blogs. Did I mention you can blog on my site, too? All you have to do is sign up for an account. Maybe in the future if I get people blogging on here, I can feature a blog from time to time, or something like that. In the meantime I highly recommend just saying hello in the forums, because that's the best way to get in touch with other fans. You never know who is out there, and its always the hardest to be the first poster... so JUST DO EEEEEET. [...]
Did you all have fun? What the F did you end up doing?
My New Years
As for me, I HAD planned to go out to some big ticketed event or party with my buddy Brad, researched some fun places to go, set some money aside, got all excited about it, and then guess what? I got sick. Hurraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay.
I figured Brad would have immediately made other plans the second I told him I was sick and couldn't go out and do anything, but offered to let him come over, have a beer or two, watch a movie, and play video games if he wanted to. He totally did. What a great friend. Long story short we ended up screaming things like, "FUCK youuuuuuuuuuuuu", "you're a BITCHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh", and "why don't you Suck ON THISSSSSSSSSSSSSssssssssss" over and over again while we disintegrated each other with energy swords, ran each other over with worthogs, stuck each other with sticky grenades, and anything else we could find. I'm sure we must have used the phrase "you're a bitch!" at least a hundred times each throughout the night. The funny thing is I actually hate competitive "versus" mode games, and we were playing in cooperative campaign mode. But of course, I am a truly evil video game player (as you'll probably hear many times again) and so is Brad. I will literally wait until the very second you get your favorite weapon, congratulate you on it, and then one second later mow you down, off a cliff, with my ghost-bike on turbo speed, fall off the cliff with you, jump out of the ghost before I/we die, and start shooting at you as both our soon-to-be-dead bodies plummet through the air.... all the while laughing hysterically. Brad on the other hand will go into battle with you against some of the built-in computer enemies, gain your confidence as he disappears somewhere off to the side to help you flank the enemy, then right when you're retreating around a corner to recharge your shields he'll pop into your field of vision, yell "peek-a-boo FUCK YOU!!!!!" and put a sticky-grenade on your knee. Then he'll run away laughing and shouting things like, "take it bitch up yours!" and "fucking die whore die" into your ear at about 200 words a second. He doesn't even seem to care that he has just ruined all the effort we just put into getting to a certain point in the level, because we both end up blowing each other up and dying. Oh, and he likes to blow up whatever vehicle you're currently in. Even if you/we really need that vehicle for the level we're on. While laughing. Hysterically. [...]