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I - drink - your - milkshake! I drink it up!
~There Will Be Blood (2007)
- "Inconceivable!"
- "You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means."
~The Princess Bride (1987), "Inigo Montoya"
Son, you got a panty on your head.
~Raising Arizona (1987)
Empire had the better ending. I mean, Luke gets his hand cut off, finds out Vader's his father, Han gets frozen and taken away by Boba Fett. It ends on such a down note. I mean, that's what life is, a series of down endings. All Jedi had was a bunch of Muppets.
~Clerks (1994), "Dante"
So we finish 18 and he's gonna stiff me. And I say, 'Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know.' And he says, 'Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness.' So I got that goin' for me, which is nice.
~Caddyshack (1980), "Carl Sprackler"
Joey, do you like movies about gladiators?
~Airplane! (1980), "Captain Oveur"
Hey, don't knock masturbation. It's sex with someone I love.
~Annie Hall (1977), "Alvy Singer"
Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.
~National Lampoon's Animal House (1978), "Dean Wormer"
- "That's a lovely accent you have. New Jersey?"
- "Austria." - "Austria? Ha, ha, well then. Ha. G-day mate! Ha, ha, ha, ha. Ha. Let's put another shrimp on the barby."
~Dumb & Dumber
First you want to kill me. Now you want to kiss me. Blow!
~Army of Darkness, "Ash"
Well, Clarice, have the lambs stopped screaming?
~The Silence of the Lambs, "Dr. Hannibal Lecter"
I crap bigger than you!
~City Slickers, "Curly"
Machete don't text.
~Machete
I know who I am! I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude!
~Tropic Thunder, "Kirk Lazarus"
Want to know how I got these scars? My father was a drinker and a fiend. And one night, he goes off crazier than usual. Mommy gets the kitchen knife to defend herself. He doesn't like that. Not one bit. So, me watching, he takes the knife to her, laughing while he does it. He turns to me, and he says: 'Why so serious?' He comes at me with the knife - 'Why so serious?!' He sticks the blade in my mouth. 'Let's put a smile on that face!' And why so serious?
~The Dark Knight, "The Joker"
Don't you know who I am? I'm the juggernaut, bitch!
~X-Men: The Last Stand (2006), "The Juggernaut"
- "I had no idea you could milk a cat."
- "Oh yeah, you can milk anything with nipples." - "I have nipples, Greg. Could you milk me?"
~Meet the Parents
I'm just one stomach flu away from my goal weight.
~The Devil Wears Prada
What we do in life echoes in eternity.
~Gladiator
I wish I knew how to quit you.
~Brokeback Mountain
A liger...it's pretty much my favorite animal. It's like a lion and a tiger mixed - bred for its skills in magic.
~Napoleon Dynamite, "Napoleon"
Friends don't let friends drink and dial.
~How I Met Your Mother, "Lily"
A census taker once tried to test me. I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice Chianti.
~The Silence of the Lambs, "Hannibal Lecter"
Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.
~Star Wars - Episode I: The Phantom Menace, "Yoda"
It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything
~Fight Club, "Tyler Durden"
Look at me, jerking off in the shower. This will be the high point of my day. It's all downhill from here.
~American Beauty, "Lester Burnham"
Shut the fuck up, Donnie!
~The Big Lebowski, "Walter Sobchak"
A census taker once tried to test me. I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice Chianti.
~The Silence of the Lambs, "Hannibal Lecter"
I'm your number one fan. There's nothing to worry about. You're gonna be just fine. I'll take good care of you.
~Misery, "Annie Wilkes"
The royal penis is clean, your Highness!
~Coming to America, "Bather"
Enough is enough! I have had it with these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane!
~Snakes on a Plane, "Neville Flynn"
I'm too old for this shit.
~Leathal Weapon, "Roger Murtaugh"
Oh, he's very popular Ed. The sportos, the motorheads, geeks, sluts, bloods, wastoids, dweebies, dickheads - they all adore him. They think he's a righteous dude.
~Ferris Bueller's Day Off, "Grace"
They're not gonna catch us. We're on a mission from God.
~Blues Brothers, "Elwood"
(Surely you can't be serious...)
- I am serious. And don't call me Shirley.
~Airplane, "Rumack"
That's what I love about these high school girls, man. I get older, they stay the same age.
~Dazed and Confused, "Wooderson"
You know, I have one simple request. And that is to have sharks with frickin' laser beams attached to their heads! Now evidently, my cycloptic colleague informs me that that can't be done. Can you remind me what I pay you people for? Honestly, throw me a bone here. What do we have?
~Austin Powers, "Dr Evil"
No, I'm all man. I even fought in WWII. Of course, I was wearing women's undergarments under my uniform.
~Ed Wood, "Ed Wood"
So we finish 18 and he's gonna stiff me. And I say, 'Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know.' And he says, 'Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness.' So I got that goin' for me, which is nice.
~Caddyshack, "Carl Spackler"
Joey, do you like movies about gladiators?
~Airplane, "Captain Oveur"
Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.
~The Princess Bride, "Inigo Montoya"
Its not a tumor! At all!!
~Kindergarden Cop, "Detective John Kimble"
Son, you got a panty on your head.
~Raising Arizona, "Guy in a Truck (John O'Donnal) to Nicolas Cage"
Halloween should be a day that we honor monsters and not be mad at each other.
~The Office, "Michael Scott"
Those without swords still die upon them
~The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers, "Eowyn"
I have come here to chew bubble gum and kick ass...and I'm all out of bubble gum.
~They Live, "Roddy Piper"
Well, whatever you do, however terrible, however hurtful, it all makes sense, doesn't it, in your head. You never meet anybody that thinks they're a bad person.
~The Talented Mr Ripley, "Tom Ripley"
Naked force has settled more issues in history than any other factor. The contrary opinion 'violence never solves anything' is wishful thinking at its worst. People who forget that always pay...They pay with their lives and their freedom.
~Starship Troopers, "Rasczak"
Now you see that evil will always triumph, because good is dumb.
~Space Balls, "Dark Helmet"
Losers always whine about their best. Winners go home and Fuck the prom queen.
~The Rock, "John Mason"
Life is pain Highness. Anyone who tells you different is selling something.
~The Princess Bride, "Man in Black (Wesley)"
We're all gonna have so much fucking fun we'll need plastic surgery to remove our Goddamn smiles! You'll be whistling Zip-a-dee-doo-da out of your assholes!
~National Lampoon's Vacation, "Clark"
I'd like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane, with all the other rich people, and I want him brought right here with a big ribbon on his head. And, I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no good, rotten, floor-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed, sack of monkey shit he is! Hallelujah! Holly Shit! Where's the Tylenol?
~Christmas Vacation, "Clark"
Sir Bedemere: "What makes you think she's a witch?"
Peasant: "She turned me into a newt!" Sir Bedemere: "A newt?!" Peasant: "I got better ..." Crowd: "BURN HER ANYWAY!"
~Monty Python and the Holy Grail, "Sir Bedemere and Peasant"
And the Lord spoke, saying, "First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then, shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shalt be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shalt be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out! Once the number three, being the third number be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thou foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it.
~Monty Python and the Holy Grail, "Cleric"
You don't frighten us, English pig-dog! Go and boil your bottoms, son of a silly person. I blow my nose on you, so-called Arthur-king, you and your silly English kiniggets.
~Monty Python and the Holy Grail, "French Castle Guard"
I don't want to talk to you, no more, you empty-headed animal, food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. You mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.
~Monty Python and the Holy Grail, "French Castle Guard"
Listen, strange women lying in ponds and handing out swords is no basis for a system of government.
~Monty Python and the Holy Grail, "Dennis"
A person is smart; people are dumb panicky dangerous animals and you know it.
~Men in Black, "Agent Kay"
Oooh! Ahhh! That's how it always starts. Then later there's running and screaming.
~Jurassic Park - The Lost World, "Malcolm"
Max: "My teacher tells me that beauty is on the inside."
Dad: "That's just something ugly people say."
~Liar Liar, "Fletcher Reede and his son, Max"
In less than an hour, aircraft from here will join others from around the world. And, you will be launching the largest aerial battle in the history of mankind. "Mankind," that word should have new meaning for all of us today. We can't be consumed by our petty differences anymore. We will be united in our common interest. Perhaps, it's fate that today is the Fourth of July, and you will once again be fighting for our freedom--not from tyranny, oppression, or persecution, but from annihilation. We're fighting for our right to live--to exist. And, should we win the day, the Fourth of July will no longer be known as an American holiday, but as the day when the world declared in one voice: "We will not go quietly into the night. We will not vanish, without a fight. We're going to live on. We're going to survive. Today, we celebrate our Independence Day!
~Independence Day, "President Thomas Whitmore"
My friend is trying to convince me that any contractors working on the uncompleted Death Star were innocent victims when the space station was destroyed by the rebels.
~Clerks, "Dante"
There's a million fine looking women in the world, dude. But, they don't all bring you lasagna at work. Most of 'em just cheat on you.
~Clerks, "Silent Bob"
This job would be great if it wasn't for the fucking customers.
~Clerks, "Randal Graves"
All every woman really wants - be it mother, senator, nun - is some serious deep-dicking.
~Chasing Amy, "Banky"
How much for the little girl? Your women - how much for the women?
~Blues Brothers, "Jake"
First you wanna kill me, now you wanna kiss me. Blow.
~Army of Darkness, "Ash"
I'm just one stomach flu away from my goal weight.
~The Devil Wears Prada, "Emily"
How to deal with death is at least as important as how to deal with life.
~Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan, "Admiral Kirk (William Shatner)"
Wait, you jerked off to a picture of your own girl friend? You - that - wow, that is sick! Oh my God, what is *wrong* with you?
~I Love You, Man, "Sydney Fife"
Its not whether you win or lose, its whether the other guy loses.
~House M.D., "Foreman"
I know what you're thinking... we need to build a space helicopter.
~Adult Swim Cartoon Network, "Some Heavy Metal Dude"
Donnie: Why do you wear that stupid bunny suit?
Frank: Why are you wearing that stupid man suit?
~Donnie Darko
From Hell's heart, I stab at thee. For hate's sake, I spit my last breath at thee.
~Star Trek - The Wrath of Kahn, "Kahn"
It is remarkable how similar the pattern of love is to the pattern of insanity.
~The Matrix: Reloaded, "Merovingian"
Person 1: "I'm doing my best"
Person 2: "Your best is an idiot!"
~Familiy Guy
People who say "Guess What?", and then expect you to guess... I hate them
~Breaking Bad, "Hank"
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