Is it supposed to burn when you pee?

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Monday, October 21st, 2013, 9:44pm
Categories: Stories

Surprised Woman at Statue
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Dudes.... I woke up at 4am this morning due to falling asleep early on the couch. Then instead of going back to sleep, I just stayed up and worked on programs and bullshit. Then I never took a nap I promised myself.

So here I am at friggin 9:46pm so tired off my ass that I am literally losing my shit (figuratively speaking .. come on now).

Anyway, I haven't blogged lately so I want to tell you a short story.

A long time ago, I used to hang out with a group of friends. We went out drinking... a lot. And at one point we decided to hang out at this one bar in particular because it was a cowboy bar, and we heard cowgirl girls are nicer than LA girls. It was partially true.

Anyway...

So this place had one of those "Paper Towel Poacher" dudes in the bathroom. He was a tall guy in a cowboy hat who basically stole all the paper towels out of the dispenser so you'd have to go see him to dry your hands after washing them, so you'd feel obligated to give him a tip.

It's an obnoxious concept but at the same time I really liked the dude because he loved his job. Instead of just standing there, he would always try to talk to everyone, and not even in a normal "hey whats up" way. He was more of a motivational speaker, or ringleader. He often took a playful "boys VS girls" stance, repeatedly shouting things like:

If you have a dick, you are the shit! Lemme hear you say that boys! IF YOU HAVE A DICK, YOU ARE THE SHIT!!!


... until all the drunks going pee yelled it back along with him. It was really a lot of fun because sometimes you'd be drunk, and end up walking out of the bathroom like... "You know what... I fucking am the shit! Dick, you're my best friend!"

So one night I decided to screw with him back. I walked in nonchalantly, got to pee'ing, and then when he started in with his usual "Hey boys! We don't got no pussies in here! What do we got!? We got dicks!", I came back with a slow turn towards him (while holding my own johnson), and then

Hey dude .... ......

... is it like... supposed to burn when you pee???


His eyes got so wide. His face turned from enthusiastic "fuck yeah" to "holy shit no what the fuckkkk". He yelled in front of everyone "Oh no!!! You done FUCKED up, man! Oh no man oh no!!! You fucked up!!!!!"

It was the best! I walked out of there still pretending to be worried and his repeated "Oh no you fucked up man!" followed me all the way out.

The next week when we were in there again, I did the same thing. And he apparently was drunk the first time because he didn't even realize I was the same guy as last time and ended up responding to me in the same way.

Took him 3 weeks to figure out my trick!

That's all you dudes... hope you like my story. And no, I am not exaggerating.

HA!

~Mike Peralta

Drunk Passed Out Cowboy
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Image By: David Amsler | Source

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Mike Peralta is an independent musician and you should follow him on Twitter (@MikePeralta) and Instagram (@MikePeraltaMusic), then subscribe to his blog just a bit below this text!
Current avatar photo by Heinz von Bockelmann (CC by 2.0, modified by Mike Peralta)



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