I'm runnin dem chicks off

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Sunday, January 26th, 2014, 6:11pm
Categories: Mouth Diarrhea

Stupid Internet
-The Internet: I'm with stupid
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Image By: Kevin Marks | Source
So uh... sometimes its fun to waste your time arguing on the internet with morons, right? I mean, we can all be dumb from time to time, but its really fun when someone goes off the deep end.

Anyway, I just had an interesting facebook argument that I thought you all might enjoy. What basically started out as an announcement by one friend that he'd like to hang out with someone, turned into some other douche asking for photos of boobs, which then turned into me poking innocent fun at said douche, which then led the douche to shit himself in public in the most magnificent way.

I've copy/pasted the "conversation" below for your enjoyment. At one point I started intentionally calling him by the wrong name to troll him a little bit, so the transcript shows his name as both Captain Douche and Captain Darsh to reflect that. The best part is: I did not edit or change his grammar, spelling, or sentence structure in any way. He is just that illiterate.

John Smith
I gota get outa the house anyone wanna hang?
Unknown Girl 1 likes this.

Captain Douche Would bud but many miles between us, how u been?
4 hours ago · Like

John Smith Shitty
4 hours ago · Like

Captain Douche We'll it can't all be good and most of it isn't in my experiences you still playing music?
4 hours ago · Like

John Smith Nope
4 hours ago · Like

Captain Douche That why it shitty I bet lol
4 hours ago · Like

John Smith Nah just everything
4 hours ago · Like

Captain Douche Was it bass you play?
4 hours ago · Like

John Smith Ya
4 hours ago · Like

Captain Douche Cool man
4 hours ago · Like

Captain Douche You should learn ramble on by zeppelin on bass that what I'd learn if I had a bass
4 hours ago · Like

Female Participant #1 I wanna hang if u didn't live way up there lol
4 hours ago · Like

Captain Douche An if he didn't id hang w you Female Participant #1! I feel shitty sometimes to dammit! Lol
4 hours ago · Like

Female Participant #1 He probably wouldn't hang with me Captain Douche..so it would be just me n u hanging out..lol
4 hours ago · Like

Female Participant #2 sure come on over lol
4 hours ago · Like

Male Participant #1 Can't forza 4 is on
3 hours ago · Like

Captain Douche Hmmm! Lol
3 hours ago · Like

Captain Douche Just saying chicks
Captain Douche inserts a photo of himself with the caption "Boobies Make Me Smile!". He is not smiling in the photo...
3 hours ago · Like · 2

Female Participant #1 Lol
2 hours ago · Like

Captain Douche Where hell you go John Smith? Let's try get these chicks show me some tits, I mean make you feel better man lol
2 hours ago · Like

Me Captain Douche, you should redo that picture but with an actual smile lol
2 hours ago · Like

John Smith Lmao
2 hours ago · Like

Captain Douche I repost one when I get a tit pic is the point mike
2 hours ago · Like

Me Change the caption maybe?
2 hours ago · Like

Female Participant #2 Um... wow... classy lol
2 hours ago · Like

Captain Douche What?
2 hours ago · Like

Captain Douche Maybe pic took while I wasn't looking at boobs mike u think of that? Wtf save me from this fucker John Smith
2 hours ago · Like

Captain Douche Thks Female Participant I try stay classy but it not easy road nontheless
2 hours ago · Like

John Smith Lmao idont know what to do
2 hours ago · Like

Captain Douche Do I need come down? With my brains and your car I can't help but think we run that shit town John Smith
2 hours ago · Like

John Smith Cone on bro.
2 hours ago · Like

Me lol Captain Douche I'm just saying the picture on its own, doesn't make sense. If you have to explain it to everyone then it doesn't tell a complete story does it hahaha
2 hours ago · Like

Captain Douche I just having explain to your dumb ass and you have not a titty one so fuck off mike and don't talk to me no more u weird motherfucker
2 hours ago · Like

Captain Douche Wtf is this guy?
2 hours ago · Like

Me Wow, I was just joking. U mad bro?

Also, next time you're thinking about calling someone a dumb ass, you might want to learn what a run-on sentence is first.
2 hours ago · Like · 1

John Smith Wow
2 hours ago · Like

Captain Douche Ok mike you got me! Lol I not make complete sentences an shit an prob not punctuate worth a fck either good one bro
2 hours ago · Like

Me It actually takes effort for me to understand what you're writing ...
2 hours ago · Like

John Smith This webt the wrong way fast lol
2 hours ago · Like · 2

Me hahaha
2 hours ago · Like

Captain Douche Whatever man i not trying talk to you man an I'm losing my patience with you
2 hours ago · Like

Me You weren't trying to talk to me when you attempted to throw an insult at me? Hmmm.... Oh well, at least you spelled 'patience' right.
2 hours ago · Like

Captain Douche You run the chicks off an you know this true too John Smith!
2 hours ago · Like

John Smith Damn cant we all just get along??
2 hours ago · Like · 1

Me Yeah bro i feel ya dawg you noe i shuld prolly man up an becum a bettar man so i wun run deh chicks off dats a real man right dare!!!!!!
2 hours ago · Like

Me Sorry John Smith, I was being playful and he's the one who decided to get butt hurt and take it personally. I tried to speak his language in the last comment, though!
2 hours ago · Like

Captain Douche U act like your so educated faggot maybe you got better sentence structure than me an so what same time
2 hours ago · Like

Female Participant #2 Lmao Mike love your work lolllllll
2 hours ago · Like · 3

Captain Douche I told u to fuck off I not want talk to your weird ass
2 hours ago · Like

Me 1. Studies have shown that homophobes are often the biggest closet queens
2. Another run-on sentence
3. You + Are = YOU'RE
4. I'm not trying to claim education... its just so painful to read your writing that I can't stop myself from pointing it out.
2 hours ago · Like · 1

Female Participant #1 Your finally on John Smith
2 hours ago · Like

Me Also ... calling someone weird because they don't like to "get drunk and get dem chicks bro!"? Are you in highschool?
2 hours ago · Like · 1

John Smith Wow!
2 hours ago · Like · 1

Me Shit, I forgot 5 .... I "not want" to argue either, so lets just stop. I want make fire so I can make eat food in a minute.
2 hours ago · Like · 1

Female Participant #2 This is funny as hell lol
2 hours ago · Like · 1

Female Participant #3 So based on the comment Female Participant up there Mike most certainly did not run off the chicks.. Real chicks prefer men who can SPEAK and WRITE correctly.
2 hours ago · Like · 1

Female Participant #3 Oh and another thing IF a Woman is drawn by you calling them a hoe (which by the way is a garden tool, a HO is what you are probably trying to call them) or a bitch then more than likely they have not learned their true value in life. Because once they learn that, you will not even be looked at, let alone considered worth the time.
2 hours ago · Like · 1

Female Participant #2 Precicely lol. At least this one does lol
about an hour ago · Like · 1

Female Participant #3 John Smith don't make me employ your full name in addressing you either. You have been taught better than that period.
about an hour ago · Like · 1

John Smith I dont know what to say here!
about an hour ago · Like · 1

John Smith Im in shock of this
about an hour ago · Like · 1

Female Participant #3 Oh and by the way any woman who would show you her boobs based off that picture above needs some serious help building her self esteem. Just because you possess a prick does not give you the right or reason to act like one.
about an hour ago · Like

Captain Douche Come on Female Participant I never got a boob pic from that pic an never expected too, just all in fun an for shits and giggles is all truly
about an hour ago · Like

Captain Douche I never called any chick a ho Female Participant
about an hour ago · Like

Female Participant #3 The fact that you call us chicks is just as degrading.. and disrespectful . Real women don't find any of that amusing or attractive. Period. Think of all the people who literally just got a perception of who you really are based on the way you acted on this status joking or not. Now think if you had a sister and some guy did to her with the pic and comments how you would feel>
about an hour ago · Like

Captain Douche You people twist shit out proportion more anybody I ever see, an I telling you mike is a weird motherfucker believe me or not but I see this!
about an hour ago · Like

Female Participant #3 Grr stupid keyboard needs new batteries apparently. What I meant was how would you feel if you saw some man was talking to your sister or niece the way you were just talking about women?
about an hour ago · Like · 1

Female Participant #3 Why because he has a thing for grammar and talking like a normal human being? That doesn't make him weird it means he has respect for himself and others. Only a person who doesn't have either of those things or wants to act like he doesn't would be offended by it in the first place.
about an hour ago · Like · 1

Captain Douche Just look at him in the pic that chieawwaugh and I know I spelt multiple shit wrong here mike an don't want hear about it man, but for rest of us that just fckn crazy to my eyes
about an hour ago · Like

Female Participant #3 Here is you a little FYI a woman will choose a man in a business suit, who loves animals over someone who displayed what you did today. As far as his dog choice that says nothing about him as a person. Having a big dog doesn't make you a man, any more than having a penis between your legs makes you one
about an hour ago · Like

Me lol and here I was about to come to your defense on the usage of "chicks" Captain Douche....

Captain Douche .. sorry bro... but:

1- Being weird isn't a bad thing. If you think you can label someone as weird, and use that as a rationalization to make yourself feel better than them, I have news for you: You're only revealing your own insecurities.

2- Oh why bother? ..... At this point I just feel like a bully for having a battle of wits with an unarmed opponent.
about an hour ago · Like · 1

Female Participant #3 By the way it is spelled CHIHUAHUA not whatever it is you put up there trying to make him look bad to defend your own ego. Guess what it only made you look even worse.
about an hour ago · Like · 1

Male Participant #2 Mike, you're a bitch. I hate your face. I hope you stumble into oncoming traffic and some kind of redneck pickup smashes into you and gives you face herpes. Then the driver gets out but instead of checking on you, he thinks you have a purdy mouth and plays with you in ways that make the pizza man from 80's porn flicks look tame.
about an hour ago · Like · 1

Captain Douche It like this mike if you were closer to me I'd hang your legs across my mantle in the running position cuz if you knew who were fucking with that would prob be their natural state,and Female Participant you prob been rejected so much why you taking up for mike ,
about an hour ago · Like

Male Participant #2 What about me? I want to be threatened next!
about an hour ago · Like · 1

Me LOL
about an hour ago · Like

Female Participant #3 Captain Douche not even close to correct. I just don't tolerate rude jerks. John Smith has known me since he was little. I don't NEED a man I have a man. A MAN. Something you will never understand the concept of because you don't even know who you are.
about an hour ago · Like · 2

Female Participant #3 Oh and I would also point out that same John Smith has left you hanging yourself here. Because even he knows when it goes from fun and games to being rude and disrespectful.
about an hour ago · Like · 1

Me Oh farts...

1 - If you're so desperate to come out on top that you have to resort to "but but but I can beat you up!!!" then you seriously need to go back to high school. Not that you've correctly assessed that situation.

2 - Threats of assault are potentially prosecutable. You skirted the line by only implying, but your failure to put it eloquently put you a little closer to the edge, I think.

Anything else, genius?
about an hour ago · Like · 2

Me Anybody else notice this guy's brain is running on less FPS than average? He keeps forgetting important words... like "cuz if you knew who [you] were fucking with" for instance... haha
about an hour ago · Like · 1

Male Participant #2 Or maybe he just forgot to change "were" to "we're", implying that he's actually the one getting face herpes. Mystery solved, Hardy Boys style!
about an hour ago · Like · 1

Me I say we end this thread on that ^^^
about an hour ago · Like · 2

Captain Douche I like comeback for a weekend and hang out an rip some walls out an have a good time John Smith that is my old stomping ground bro
55 minutes ago · Like

Captain Douche I got pee wee Herman with a chieawwaugh talking shit to me lol are you in frenchburg mike?
53 minutes ago · Like

Captain Douche And Male Participant I just saw your wall cover an I have to say that you'd prob suck a dick off too
51 minutes ago · Like

Male Participant #2 Awww, it's adorable when you're trying to be intimidating!
50 minutes ago · Like · 1

Captain Douche Not intimidating just my honest opinion
49 minutes ago · Like

Male Participant #2 So your opinions generally center around guys sucking dicks? You kinda fucked yourself there, eyebrows.
48 minutes ago · Like · 1

Captain Douche And that all from consideration that you don't look like a fag but guess what you do lol
48 minutes ago · Like

Male Participant #2 So not only are you thinking about guys sucking dicks, you're checking me out and thinking hard on it too?
47 minutes ago · Like · 1

Captain Douche My opinions don't center around that I just thought that when I saw your wall cover bitch
46 minutes ago · Like

Captain Douche In your dreams fag! Lol
45 minutes ago · Like

Captain Douche Sorry
45 minutes ago · Like

Male Participant #2 Your story's changing and you're getting defensive, and now you want to dream fuck me? Hey, kid, your gay is showing.
44 minutes ago · Like · 1

Me Quote:

"you'd prob suck a dick off too"
"you don't look like a fag"
"In your dreams fag!"

Captain Douche, or Captain Darsh, or whatever your name is ... looks like you already forgot what I said earlier, about homophobes being the biggest closet queens... or are you intentionally sending out signals, princess?

And you're still trying to label other people as "weird" when you can't even muster up the brain power to communicate clearly, or come up with anything that resembles a substantial point?
30 minutes ago · Like · 1

Me This is like watching a drunk guy hit himself in the head with a hammer for youtube... funny... but also sad.
29 minutes ago · Like · 1

Male Participant #2 Definately eyebrows lol
12 minutes ago · Like · 1

Male Participant #2 That's the only thing for sure here. It's not Captain Douche or Captain Darsh it's just eyebrows
11 minutes ago · Like · 1

Male Participant#3
Posts a picture of a muppet that looks similar to Captain Douche/Darsh
5 minutes ago · Like · 1

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Mike Peralta is an independent musician and you should follow him on Twitter (@MikePeralta) and Instagram (@MikePeraltaMusic), then subscribe to his blog just a bit below this text!
Current avatar photo by Heinz von Bockelmann (CC by 2.0, modified by Mike Peralta)



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tammy lay
(Guest)
Tuesday, January 28th, 2014, 8:26am
Just picturing your legs hanging over his mantle "in running position"!!! Wow! That guys a nutter! LMFAO
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